There’s a misconception that strip clubs destroy marriages and relationships.  This is not true.  In fact, a 6 year study by an esteemed Anthropologist concludes that strip clubs actually improve marriages.  Anthropologist Katherine Frank worked undercover as a stripper for 6 years researching her book, G Strings & Sympathy: Strip Club Regulars and Male Desire.  Here are some conclusions from her research and my own thoughts.  Be sure to read our follow-up to this post, “Why Men Go to Strip Clubs”.

 

THE STRIPPER IS NOT HAVING SEX WITH YOUR MAN

Yes, It happens, but almost never inside the club. Strip Clubs are owned by millionaire and billionaire businessmen who will not risk their license, reputation, and livelihood so dancers can prostitute.  Additionally, the dancers make more money selling the fantasy.  That is what strip clubs are all about.

AND THE STRIPPER ISN’T GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM

I’m sure your husband or boyfriend is absolutely amazing.  But the stripper likely has her own boyfriend, or girlfriend, or husband. 1 in 10 is married and more than 80% are in some type of committed relationship according to research studies.  Researchers discovered only 1 in 5  female strippers has ever dated a client.  By comparison, 3 out of 4 male strippers reports dating or having sex with a client–the other 25% are gay.  So, your man should be much more worried about you hooking up with a stripper you met at your best friend’s bachelorette party than you should about him hooking up with a stripper.

YOUR HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND IS NOT GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB TO CHEAT

First let me say, if your man is a cheater, he will cheat.  He will cheat with a stripper, he will cheat with a hooker, he will cheat with some random woman he meets in the grocery store or a woman from work…if he is a cheater, he will even cheat with your mom or your sister.  Most men are not cheaters and don’t go to the strip club to cheat.

In fact, he is going for just the opposite reason.  He’s going not to cheat.  I see you women rolling your eyes as you read this, but hear me and Anthropologist Katherine Frank out before you dismiss this idea.  Katherine says during the 6 years she was dancing to research her book most of her customers were married men.  She says almost all of them, even the ones who said they had bad marriages, were in love with their wives and wanted to stay married. They didn’t want to cheat. They frequented the strip club to fulfill unmet needs in their relationships.  More on this below.  Katherine also says he isn’t going to get an unrealistic expectation of the female body from the strip club as men have a broad range of preferences in body type.

From my perspective men go to strip clubs precisely to avoid cheating.  I, and most men define cheating as having sex or physical intimacy with another woman.  Things that would end our marriage or relationship, like getting an STD or getting someone pregnant, or developing an emotional attachment to another woman.  Men don’t go to the strip club for those things.

We go to objectify a woman’s body…something we are hard-wired by our very DNA to do, yet society tells us we aren’t supposed to do.  The strip club provides a safe outlet for this.

Going to a strip club and admiring another woman’s beauty and sexuality or erotic dancing skills is not cheating. The stripper may have a better body than you, but he isn’t going to dump you for her. Getting a lap dance is simply a cash transaction.  Fantasy and entertainment in exchange for $$. No emotional connections are formed, no bodily fluids are exchanged, no boyfriends, pimps, wives or girlfriends involved so no one gets hurt.  For a man in a committed relationship, going to a strip club is an opportunity to rebel, show that he is not under his woman’s thumb, and be naughty without doing something that will end his relationship.  Guys usually don’t tell their partner they go to the strip club, because she would think he is cheating.  Men reason, if their girl finds out, it is bad, but not a deal breaker. Full post on “Why Men Go To Strip Clubs”.

SO HOW DOES GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB ACTUALLY HELP MARRIAGES?

BENEFITS FOR MEN WHO GO TO STRIP CLUBS WITHOUT THEIR WIFE OR GIRLFRIEND

Katherine discovered that most married men visited strip clubs to satisfy unmet needs and confusion in their relationships.  The need to simply admire a woman’s beauty, sensuality and sexuality which is often unwelcome in their marriage due to the woman’s insecurity about her body.  Men are born to look at women and objectify them. Society tells them it is wrong and it causes problems.  The strip club is a safe solution.  Additionally Katherine found her clients felt confused by wives and girlfriends who expected them to be masculine and dominant sexually but at the same time wanting them to be more emotional and not objectify them. Men are confused that women want to be called beautiful, but not objectified. The strip club helps with this confusion.

In the book, Katherine states,

 ‘These guys were struggling with how to deal with what they saw as women’s conflicting demands for both traditional masculine traits and more emotional presence.’  ‘Men are confused by women’s mixed messages.’ ‘They felt repellent, that their wives and girlfriends could never accept their desires and that they could never ask advice about sex because they were supposed to somehow know everything.

‘They were also confused by women’s desire to be called beautiful but not be objectified.’

THE FANTASY ACTUALLY IMPROVES INTIMACY IN RELATIONSHIPS

Katherine argues that many men have a true need to know that women find them desirable because they don’t get that from their wives or girlfriends…In fact they often get ridiculed by the women in their lives in much the same way men are berated on TV sitcoms and commercials.  The strip club provides the fantasy that the hot stripper really thinks the man is smart and funny and handsome.  Most men don’t get this anywhere else in our society.  Strippers are very good at selling this fantasy.  In her book, Katherine says the strip club visits actually held together many marriages by providing an outlet for this fantasy.  Rather than cause trouble and erode intimacy, it improved intimacy.

BENEFITS FOR COUPLES WHO GO TO STRIP CLUBS TOGETHER

When couples visit the strip club together, it is an opportunity to explore and enjoy their fantasies without cheating. In both my personal experience and observation, couples go to the strip club, get horny and excited, then go home and enjoy each other.  Women enjoy seeing their man get turned on and aroused yet knowing he is sharing the experience with them and not going to cheat.  Men enjoy seeing their lady interact with another woman.  And both enjoy the eroticism.  For many it is a chance to walk on the wild side without going too far.  I personally know a married couple who say visiting strip clubs makes their marriage and sexual relationship stronger.  He’s 66 and she’s 54 and they go to a strip club in Las Vegas at least once a week.

So there you have it.

STRIP CLUBS CAN ACTUALLY IMPROVE RELATIONSHIPS

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