When I first committed to post a weekly report on Vegas idiots of the week, I worried I might run out of idiots. But, someone steps up every week and the idiots of the week May 15, 2017 stepped up in a big way with their phone calls this weekend.
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IDIOTS OF THE WEEK MAY 15, 2017
1. THE GIRL WHO LOST HER PANTIES (484) 848-8015
Friday night my dispatcher received a call from what sounded like a 12-14 year old girl. She asked to speak to the manager. My dispatcher explained that she hadn’t called an actual strip club but rather Doctor Strip Club which is a transportation service for many strip clubs. The young lady was silent, so my dispatcher asked how we could help her. She then claimed she had danced at The Doctor’s Strip Club two years ago and gotten an infection from the pole because another dancer had stolen her panties. My staff suggested she have her parents call us back and that seemed to end it. If the number above belongs to your minor daughter, please monitor her phone usage and teach her about the type of poles that give young women infections and how to prevent them.
Some Kids play too many zombie stripper video games
2. MY MOM IS STRIPPING ON MOTHER’S DAY (801) 380-8176
Early Sunday morning we received a call from a young man who asked, “Is my mom there?” We asked which club he was looking for and he said he didn’t know. He said that his mom was a dancer and she wasn’t answering her phone. He went on to say that she had given him our number to contact her. My staff assured him that his mom had not given him our number to call since we had no dancers inside our office but that we would try to help him if he knew which club she was dancing in–he didn’t know so we told him, we’d tell his mom he said “Happy Mother’s Day” if we saw her. That satisfied him.
This poor guy is not smart enough to realize he punked himself. My staff was polite enough not to make any “Yo Mama” jokes.
3. THE $30 BUDGET FOR A BACHELOR PARTY IDIOT +44 7530 688092
This group of 8 guys staying at Excalibur requested us to send a stripper to their room for a bachelor party. They only wanted one dancer for 8 guys which is not enough and uncomfortable for the dancers. Then he explained he had a budget of only $30 for this bachelor party. Sorry Chaps. This is Las Vegas, not the slums of Bangladesh. A budget of $4 per guy isn’t enough to have a stunningly hot, Vegas girl with a great personality and attitude show up for your bachelor party. If you want a stripper to your room for a bachelor party, we have the best private strippers and strip clubs in the world.
If this guy is the best man I pity the bachelor. If his 7 best friends can only come up with $30 total for his bachelor party, I pity the bachelor even more. I suspect when he proposed he used a paper napkin ring. But I’m sure its true love.
Stay tuned for more idiots next week. It’s Vegas after all and idiots just seem to pop up every week and do their thing.