Before I talk about how to escape strip club vampires let me say…

I like Vegas Strippers.  I respect Vegas Strippers.  Most of them are decent people who earn a living providing high quality entertainment.  They are educated.  They have goals and ambitions.  They earn more than most of the population and they work very hard to do so.  They pay taxes on their earnings.  They tip well when they go out. They are awesome.  Many are my friends and I’ve had them to my home for social events.  They are quality people. But, if you visit Vegas strip clubs you will occasionally encounter…

…A SUB-HUMAN SPECIES OF BLOOD SUCKING WALLET DRAINING STRIP CLUB VAMPIRES 

The purpose of this post is to help you instantly identify these evil women and avoid them so that they never get their teeth into your wallet or hands in your pocket.

WHAT IS A STRIP CLUB VAMPIRE

A Strip Club Vampire is a dancer who hangs out near the entry to the strip club waiting  to pounce on you as you enter. Before your eyes even have a chance to adjust to the darker lighting inside the club she is on you.  She grabs your hand, maybe whispers in your ear. She will try to sell you a lap dance or a VIP show before you’ve even had a chance to sit down or to get a drink.  If you say, “no” she will sit at your table or in your lap uninvited.  She will probably ask you to buy her a drink.  Her presence will keep away the dancers you actually want to come over and talk to you.  If and when she ever leaves your table, she may ask for a tip just for sitting with you and talking to you. Don’t do it.  Let’s all band together and discourage bad behavior.

One stripper friend of mine calls them “door whores” and that is also a good name for them. We’ve discussed making a parody of the Katy Perry song Dark Horse…picture a man walking up to the strip club and reaching to open the door as Katy sings “So you wanna play with magic…Boy you should know whatcha fallin’ for…Baby do you dare to do this…cuz I’m coming atcha like a door whore”  I started to use door whores in the title of this post, but thought it might be too nice.  

HOW TO IDENTIFY A STRIP CLUB VAMPIRE

Obviously you know the “door whores” who pounce on you as soon as you enter the club are vampires to be avoided. But some of these creatures hide in the shadows like Count Dracula.  Then they sneak up behind you or even come straight at you.  They pounce in your lap or grab your junk before you’ve had a chance to even get a good look at them.  They are usually the older dancers who are past their prime or brand new dancers who haven’t learned how to properly approach. They walk up and say nothing other than, “Wanna Dance?”  They grab your hand and say, “Let’s go do private dance.”  The sneaky ones even try to take you by the hand and give you a “tour of the club”.  This tour always ends at the VIP room where you are standing face to face with a large man in a suit while she rubs herself against you and there is subtle pressure for you to pay for a VIP with her.

I recently had a Vampire over 50 approach me–she came up from the side and I never saw her coming.  She licked my ear grabbed my hand and whispered, “I have a condom; let’s go have fun.”  When I said “NO” she sat down in my lap and put her hands on my junk.  I told her I wasn’t interested in her at all and she went away.

EVEN VEGAS BEST STRIP CLUBS HAVE SOME VAMPIRES

I’ve encountered strip club vampires at every club in town at one point or another.  The best clubs do a good job of getting rid of them.  But it isn’t that simple.  Some people feel sorry for these vampires because they come off as desperate.  Thinking you are being nice to some poor girl, you buy a lap dance from her or buy or a drink or god-forbid get a VIP from the vampire.  She is playing you.  She is making money off your politeness.  And if she is making money, she is making the club money.  The clubs will fire vampires and other high pressure dancers if they offend and run off customers.  But if you buy dances or buy them drinks or tip them out of sympathy, the clubs will keep them.  Use the tactics below to help us eliminate the strip club vampires.

HOW TO ESCAPE STRIP CLUB VAMPIRES

Say, “NO” as soon as she approaches.  Don’t make any excuses.  Don’t be nice.  Don’t be rude.  One word.  “NO”.

If she pounces on you as soon as you enter the club don’t say anything.  Just keep walking and don’t make eye contact with her.  Shake your head “No”.

If she pounces on you at your table to ask for a dance, politely say.  “I just got here and want to watch the stage show for a while.”  If she offers a “tour of the club” say ‘NO.” If she sits down on your lap and you aren’t interested in her, instantly tell her “I’m not buying any dances from you.”  If she sits at your table the cocktail waitress will show up and ask about drinks.  Order your drink and do not offer to buy one for the vampire.  If the waitress asks if you are buying a drink for the lady, say “NO Thanks, but I’ll have a…”  If you order a drink and then the vampire orders a drink, look at the waitress and tell her, “separate tabs”.

If she stays at your table trying to sell you a dance after that.  Get up without saying a word and go to the stage and tip the dancer on stage a dollar or two and keep sitting there.  You can go back to your table or another one later.

IF THESE TACTICS SOUND COLD AND UNFEELING, REMEMBER YOU ARE DEALING WITH A SUB-HUMAN, BLOOD SUCKING, WALLET DRAINING, HEARTLESS, EVIL CREATURE.  YOU MUST BE HEARTLESS.

Don’t be mean.  Don’t be rude.  Simply saying, “No” or “No Thanks” usually works.  Don’t be a smart ass.  Refusing to buy her a drink often works.  Telling her straight up, you aren’t buying any dances from her is like a wooden stake in the Vampire’s heart.  She will disappear.  She may ask you to tip her.  Say “NO”.

ESCAPING TO THE STAGE ALWAYS WORKS

On a rare occasion, I’ve had dancers try to make me feel guilty for saying “NO.”  I’ve even had a couple over the years try to question my manhood and my character–I made the mistake of telling a strip club vampire, “not right now, maybe later” when she asked if I wanted a dance.  When she came back 4 times in 30 minutes to ask if I was ready yet, I told her NO.  She proceeded to say, she was surprised I didn’t keep my word and try to guilt me into buying a dance from her.  I told her, “You know.  I thought you were a decent person so I was being polite to you.  Obviously, I was mistaken.”  That is as rude as I’ve ever had to be to get rid of a vampire and I’m in strip clubs 5 nights a week for many years.

The best tactic is always to simply go to the stage and tip the dancer on stage.  If you are doing that the other dancers will leave you alone.  There is an unwritten code among dancers that says customers tipping at the stage are the sole property of the dancer on the stage. Clubs fire dancers who violate this rule.

A DELICATE BALANCE

It is part of a dancer’s job description to approach customers and ask them to buy dances.  It’s part of her job to flirt with you.  She is there to earn a living.  Some guys are shy and need a little push to get going.  But there is a difference in the approach and tactics of a good dancer and a strip club vampire.  The good dancers have social and flirting skills.  The strip club vampires just have pressure, guilt and sneaky tricks.

A good dancer will introduce her self.  She will ask if you’d like some company.  She may say, “Do you mind if I sit down.”  She will have a little conversation before asking if you’d like a dance.  She will tell you the VIP prices including drink minimums if you are interested in that.  She will flirt.  She will wait for you to offer to buy her a drink.  If the waitress comes to take your order she will wait for a signal from you before assuming you are buying her a drink. She won’t just walk up and say, ‘Wanna dance’ or grab your package and try to drag you around by it.

I recently saw a good dancer approach a guy sitting at the stage.  He wasn’t tipping the dancer on stage so he was fair game.  She walked up introduced herself sat down and in 30 seconds she was leading him away for a dance.  She reached into her purse and tipped the dancer on stage $5.  That’s the way to do it.  Professional, polite and no pressure but still flirting and asking the customer if he wants a dance.

The vampires are desperate and all about instant money. They ask beg and pressure to get your money.  The good dancers know if they make you comfortable and give you a good experience the money will naturally flow.

Hope this post helps.  It’s up to us.  The clubs can’t really do much to stop the vampires unless they are overly aggressive and scaring off customers. The only way to really eliminate the strip club vampires is if we all refuse to reward them.  If they aren’t making money, they will quit or change their behavior.

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FOOTNOTE:

Some Vegas strip clubs have many Latina and Cuban dancers who speak very little English.  These girls may approach and ask “Want a dance, Papi.”  They are not necessarily Vampires.  If you like their look ask them to sit and try to have a conversation.  You can quickly discover whether they are pushy vampires who only care about selling dances or decent human beings who want you to have a good experience.

READY TO VISIT VEGAS BEST STRIP CLUBS AND HAVE A GREAT EXPERIENCE?